


Not Dead

by malcolmn666



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, Oblivious Zuko (Avatar), Past Jet/Katara (Avatar), Phoenix Zuko (Avatar), Suicide Attempt, mild dadko dynamic going on with jet's gang, zuko isn't actually dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:35:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26726791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malcolmn666/pseuds/malcolmn666
Summary: Zuko doesn't know what's going on. He's looking for his uncle, and doing Jet's laundry, and trying not to think about why he's woken up in random fields twice (and also how he's not dead, after that one time).Or: Zuko's a phoenix. He doesn't know it, though.
Relationships: Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Jet & Zuko (Avatar), Jin & Zuko (Avatar), Song & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 256





	Not Dead

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so warning: zuko definitely attempted suicide/succeeded, if he was like...not a phoenix. it's referenced as a past event
> 
> also he says fuck 
> 
> also mention of blowjob

Zuko came back from his shift at Pao’s to find the apartment crowded with teenagers.

“Jet, what the fuck?”

“Oh, hey, Li,” Jet said from the table. It wasn’t actually a table—it was just a piece of wood over a couple stolen flower pots. Around him sat four girls, among them Jin, while Smellerbee was sprawled across the mattress in a corner, sharing a bottle of something illegal with four people Zuko wasn’t sure he recognized. Longshot, meanwhile, was cooking.

“Li, join us for the next round,” Jin said, smiling. She patted the floor next to her.

Zuko sighed, tossing his apron into the laundry pile. He groaned when he realized he would need to do it sooner rather than later; Longshot may cook from time to time, but for some reason, Zuko was the only one who did laundry.

He was a _prince_ , Agni-dammit. Jet may have “adopted” him into his stupid gang, but he’d been obligated to play mother to them all—and it was driving him up a wall.

“Didn’t you have work today?” he asked Jet, stepping closer to the table of girls. He was sure enough dealing a new hand of cars to each of them, his stupid piece of grass dangling out of his stupid mouth. He smiled up at Zuko, stupidly.

“Nah, I quit.”

“You...quit,” Zuko repeated, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Why the fuck did you _quit_?”

“I said the same thing,” Jin chirped, and Song nodded beside her. At least Song looked vaguely disappointed.

“My boss was an ass. He didn’t deserve my time.”

“But we need the money!” Zuko gestured angrily around at their apartment. It was falling apart, and probably violating several important building codes based on the way it was propped up over an alleyway—but, regardless of its legality, there was still rent attached. “Look, no one is even hiring Smellerbee because of her age, and it can’t be just me and Longshot pulling in a wage—”

“ _Relax_ , Li, I’ll get another job. You need to unwind. Come on, play a round with us.”

Jin scooted away, patting the space on the floor again.

“Yeah, come on, Li, you’re so high-strung,” said a girl—Yu? Lu?—to Jet’s left. Zuko had only ever known her as the one who tried to grope him once and, when that didn’t work out for her, ended up blowing Jet behind Pao’s. He knew this because he accidentally took one of his breaks while they were out there.

He did consider, for a half a second, sitting down next to Jin. He liked Jin well enough, anyway, and even though she weirdly reminded him of Ty Lee, she was unfailingly nice. He liked Song, too, since she was more level-headed than most of the dumbass kids running rampant around the Lower Ring.

But then he remembered laundry and...well, laundry sounded better than one of Jet’s card games. He wasn’t any good at games, anyway, especially the kind where you had to bet and bluff and—

“Are you _gambling_? With _my_ money?”

“It’s our money,” Jet said pointedly. “Besides, I’m going to double it, just watch.”

It took all of his control not to burn the whole fucking apartment to the ground.

* * *

Zuko hauled the laundry down to the basement in the building next door. No one else was there, for which he was grateful; he wasn’t sure he trusted himself to have a civil conversation with any of their neighbors.

His life had been spiralling downhill since...well, probably since he was born, actually. Jet wasn’t even the worst that had happened to him; if anything, Jet and his gang were more annoying than counting as another chapter of disaster. His banishment had definitely been a new low at the time, and the years without a trace of the Avatar a level of misery he did not wish to contemplate. Despite his failures, once the Avatar had appeared, life seemed marginally better—if only because he could _see_ his way home at last. Then, of course, Pohuai had happened, and Zhao stole his crew, and pirates blew up his ship.

The destruction of his ship had been yet another moment of his life where everything had gone wrong. For one, it had been utterly terrifying and painful. And then, after that, he woke up in a strange field he did not recognize, with his uncle nowhere to be found. He had thought, maybe, his uncle had taken him there and gone to get help. He waited around, but eventually two days had passed, and he was _starving_. So he wondered down to the nearest village.

It was there he learned two key facts: almost the entirety of the Fire Navy were up at the Northern Water Tribe, and unreachable, and the Fire Nation had officially sent out notices of his death.

He nearly ended up imprisoned when he tried to harrass a soldier at a messenger-hawk post into letting him send a letter. It seemed his face was not nearly as well-known as he had assumed, based on the way Zhao had always jeered at him, which was both a relief and infuriating.

For several weeks, he lingered up and down a few northern coastal towns. He took up the Blue Spirit identity once again, though instead of using it to catch the Avatar, he ended up robbing random merchants for food and money. He slept on rooftops, in abandoned houses, and in barns, always keeping an ear out for any word of his uncle or even Zhao.

Finally, a few Fire Navy vessels started docking in the ports. They brought news of Zhao’s death, a brutal military defeat, a horrible ocean monster, and how the once-great General Iroh was now a wanted fugitive, dead or alive.

Zuko was floored. His uncle could be _weird_ , sometimes, but a traitor?

...Well, maybe treachery wasn’t actually what was surprising. It probably had more to do with the fact anyone would _dare_ accuse him, first son of Azulon, Dragon of the West, of being a traitor in the first place.

Zuko didn’t really care about the details. All he knew was that he needed to find his uncle _now_.

If there was anything in which Zuko possessed any talent, it was probably following insane leads. He wasn’t as smart as his little sister, maybe, but he was _desperate_ , and sometimes that was all it took. He ended up wandering farther inland, robbing as he went, and occasionally using his disguise to commit some other crime. He spent a week in one village running out a group of terrorists, and another releasing child prisoners (and arming them. People armed children, right?) He didn’t give a shit if they were Fire Nation or Earth Kingdom—if they violated his understanding of _honor_ , they would answer to the Blue Spirit.

Sometimes, though, he just had to be Li. It was easy, even if it grated on his nerves; his scar marked him as a refugee, someone to pity. Usually it meant people would let him sleep in their barns willingly if he helped with some menial task. Other times, old women pinched his good cheek, and didn’t even flinch when he shouted at them.

Eventually, though, even his insane leads ran out, and he was faced with the fact that, even if he _did_ find Uncle, _how the fuck_ were they ever going to get home?

He stopped eating, for a bit and...did something he regretted. He was lucky he woke up at all.

Unfortunately, he woke up in a valley he didn’t recognize with a new scar on his stomach and no memory as to how he had got there, and to how he had _survived_. While he was grateful that he lived, he couldn’t help but think about how he was so incompetent that he couldn’t even die when he wanted.

That was about the time he ran into Jet, Longshot, and Smellerbee. Jet announced they were on their way to Ba Sing Se, and asked where Zuko was going. He didn’t know, and he didn’t care, but Jet seemed down for crime, and running around with him at night was kind of _fun_ , dare he think it. They ended up going to some seedy oasis in the desert and robbing the tavern for a stash of fake passports. Jet handed one to Zuko, and said he should join them.

He would have declined and gone his own way at that point, if he hadn’t noticed the weird Pai Sho guy outside.

He stared at him a long time until Jet snapped him out of it.

He ended up going back later than evening, trying to demand answers out of the guy. He got some incomprehensible jibberish about dragons and walls when he asked abruptly where the fuck Iroh of the Fire Nation was, and that he better tell the truth, because he was his uncle, and he would be damned if he couldn’t get to the one person in his family that actually sort-of wanted him around, _sometimes—_

“Ba Sing Se? Is he there? Ba Sing Se?” Zuko asked, shaking the man’s shoulders. He only smiled serenely in reply.

From then on, he had officially joined Jet’s little group. Though they could be a bit annoying and immature at times, it was kind of _nice_ to be around kids his age, especially kids that appreciated swordsmanship and dealing out vigilante justice. He had given them a vague explanation for his search for his uncle, offering up a few half-truths, and Jet actually wanted to _help_ him. He found himself blurting out random things about his uncle around the fire, whether it was about his obsession with tea or shopping or bad proverbs, and they had all listened attentively.

“It’s sweet, that you’re looking for him after months,” Smellerbee said, her voice uncharacteristically soft.

“Well—”

“We’ll find him, don’t worry, Li,” Jet promised, offering him one of his winning smiles, his dark eyes warm and _safe_. He meant it, Zuko knew; Jet could manipulate and lie all he wanted, but when he was earnest, it was obvious.

Of course, living in the city was a whole other beast. Jet, Smellerbee, and Longshot were used to life out in the wilderness. Their old hideout, apparently, had been a massive treehouse. Taking care of a regular apartment, having jobs, and interacting with normal adults and law enforcement were part of another world for them, and that left Zuko to bridge the gap.

It left Zuko to be the mother of feral children while he kept a job and searched for his uncle.

It took him over an hour to get through their clothes and a few blankets before he took his basket back out onto the street before he could turn up the stairs to their apartment. He adjusted the weight to his hip as he noticed a flier on the ground with a very distinct image.

He picked it up immediately, his heart pounding.

_ The Avatar. _

__

The Avatar was in the city.

* * *

Grope-girl ended up snatching it from his hand as he made it back into the apartment, crossing the room to get to the clothesline out the back. Smellerbee’s friends had left, as had one of girls.

“Hey! That’s mine!” Zuko growled, trying to grab it back. Grope-girl easily dodged him.

“The Avatar lost his bison?” she read aloud. Jet’s eyes widened.

“Avatar Aang? He lost Appa?”

“You...know the Avatar?” Zuko asked as he readjusted the basket in his hands. Jet didn’t answer him.

“He’s in the city!” he said excitedly. “We have to go see him. We can help!”

“ _What_?”

“Jet, don’t you _dare_ go to them,” Smellerbee warned, her arms folded crossly. “It’s not like you’re on good terms with your ex-girlfriend.”

“ _Ex-girlfriend?_ ”

“Oh, but can _I_ meet the Avatar?” Jin asked, nearly ripping the flier from Jet’s grasp. She frowned as she read the details. “Oh, no, he lives in the Upper Ring...”

“She froze you to a tree!” Smellerbee was ignoring Jin, stepping closer to Jet. “I can tell what you’re thinking.”

“I mean...I’ll _apologize_ , obviously,” Jet said. “For, you know, tricking them into destroying the town, but...”

“ _You destroyed a town_?”

Longshot silently held out his hand, and Jin gave it to him.

“If we find Appa, I’m sure Katara will forgive me,” Jet continued, his stupid face stupidly hopeful.

Zuko’s brain had stopped and started a few times before he left the room to hang out the laundry to dry.

* * *

Zuko had a lot of conflicting feelings about finding the Avatar’s bison. _Appa_ , or...whatever.

On one hand, as a Fire Nation citizen, as well as the Prince of the Fire Nation, the Avatar was very much his enemy. Getting the Avatar back his bison would allow him to travel so he could potentially harm his countrymen.

On the other hand, his uncle was out there, somewhere, a fugitive. Zuko couldn’t help but feel guilty for ruining what should have been a luxurious retirement for one of the nation’s greatest generals, and dragging him on his quest. Of course, his uncle had volunteered, but _still_. Aiding the Avatar because Jet was trying to suck up to his ex (the fucking _Waterbender?_ ) didn’t feel like the treason Zuko knew it to be-- _and then_ , he started to wonder, if he gained the Avatar’s trust—

No. _No no_ no. Zuko wasn’t Azula, and he wasn’t about to get himself killed pretending to be. The Avatar was a dumb kid, sure, but he was a powerful kid, and if he was too close when he got found out? _Bad_.

He decided that he would assist Jet and then stay out of the way. He hoped that he wouldn’t try bringing the Avatar’s little friends to the apartment. Then, he could continue looking for Uncle, and pretend that nothing with the Avatar’s bison had happened. Ever. And once he found his uncle—well, he had no idea what would happen then, or what his uncle would say or want to do or if he would even still help him. But at least he would be with Uncle.

He’d broken the Avatar out of prison once, he figured. This was a step removed.

It was easy to lure the Dai Li agent away and gain the information he needed.

* * *

Jet got a new job at the restaurant where Jin worked. Zuko had no idea why the fuck she would vouch for him to her boss, but that was her business.

She had also decided that she wanted to help with the bison. She came in with Song to Pao’s to tell him as much while he was working.

“Can you even fight?” he hissed under his breath as he set a teapot on their table. Jin snorted.

“ _Duh_. I gave this guy a broken nose once.”

“Like, _real_ fighting, not street fighting,” he said. “And, can you like, sneak around and shit? Like, have you _ever_ broken anyone out of jail in your life?”

Song narrowed her eyes. “Have _you_?”

“ _Yes_.”

Song shrugged, sipping her tea, while Jin pouted.

“I hear about all the stuff you and Jet do, and I want in on the fun.”

“It’s not— _fucking shit Jin—_ this isn’t _fun—_ this is Jet being a dumbass about the Waterbender—”

“In her defense, I’m fairly certain Jet finds it fun,” Song said evenly.

“He should be taking it seriously,” he huffed before he walked off to the back.

He came back out a few minutes later with tea for two other tables. Mostly young women came to Pao’s, usually in groups of two or three. He didn’t understand the appeal of it; even though he hadn’t developed his uncle’s taste for tea, he was aware that what he brewed was probably subpar. Jin told him once it was _passable_ , but then, why bother paying for passable tea, when someone could just make it at home? He’d only taken the fucking job hoping it would bring his uncle to him sooner rather than later, like a beacon.

Song called him back over by arching her eyebrows expectantly.

“What do you want?” he bit out. Song smiled.

“What if she’s the lookout?”

Zuko looked at Jin, who was fidgeting excitedly in her seat. “I could do that!” she burst.

“You know what? If you want to risk your life so Jet can bone some girl in the end and a twelve-year-old can get his pet flying cow back, _sure_.”

“Really?”

“ _Are you crazy?_ Fuck no, Jin!”

“I’ll go with her,” Song said. Zuko rolled his eyes.

“The more people doing this, the more dangerous it will be. Smellerbee isn’t even going.”

“Perfect, so there’s availability,” Song quipped.

Zuko swore under his breath, but he knew, in the end, Jin and Song would get their way.

* * *

Zuko was in a nightmare.

His life seemed to be one long, terrible nightmare, and he could never, ever wake up.

It started when Jin and Song butted their way onto the mission, their only weapons being two kitchen knives and a _fucking handsaw, what the fuck was Jin even thinking_. Longshot was already their lookout, thank you very much, so they awkwardly made noise and slowed them down. Jet didn’t seem to mind—he viewed the whole operation as some sort of training mission.

A training mission where, if they failed, they would probably be either brainwashed or never seen again. For the Avatar’s bison.

They had a few close calls, of course, but between Longshot, Jet, and Zuko himself, they managed.

Then, the got to the bison’s cell. At the same time...the Avatar and his friends did.

The Avatar, his friends, _and his uncle_.

He should have been happy! His uncle was there, alive!

_His uncle was working with the Avatar_.

Everyone was working with the Avatar. Why the fuck was everyone on the Avatar’s side?

Zuko didn’t even care. The world was madness.

He tossed his Blue Spirit mask aside, and yelled out, “Uncle!”

Forgetting the stealth aspect of the entire mission.

Zuko was in a nightmare, and it came in the form of Jin’s cry of anguish as she assaulted by Dai Li agents, the deafening roar of the bison as it reared up against its chains, _too close_ , the way Jet looked at him with utter disgust as he sent a wall of flames between him and his opponent, and the way Uncle backed away from him, repeating, “no, no, you’re dead...”

* * *

The Waterbender, thank _Agni,_ could heal. Song was a Healer, too, of course, but she didn’t have glowing water that stitched up the skin quickly. They all ended up piled on the bison, clinging to its fur, Song and Zuko making sure that Jin was properly attached, and practically exploded out of the Dai Li’s prison. They landed on an island only for everyone to jump off and corner one another.

“Jet, what do you think you’re doing here, and with him?” the Waterbender— _Katara—_ asked shrilly, pointing to Zuko. Before Jet could answer, she reeled on him. “ _And you._ You tricked us! We literally _cremated_ you—that’s so _messed up—_ ”

“You—I’m sorry, you _what_?” Zuko shouted. “ _You did not!_ I’m not dead!”

“Zuko, you were _totally_ dead. Like, at least a day or two dead,” her brother cut in. “We found you near this ghost town—”

“You liar, you’re a _Firebender_ , I can’t believe—” Jet was yelling, striding forward like he was going to punch him. Song and Longshot started to walk between them.

“Wait, so you put me in the field?” Zuko asked. “I—”

“ _Fucking ashmaker, I trusted you—_ ”

“—You chased us around the world, and probably did some evil Spirit-thing, and then you were trying to capture _Appa_? How heartless can you _be—_ ”

“EVERYONE, SHUT UP!”

A girl Zuko had never seen before managed to shout over the teenagers. She was short, with bangs that covered her eyes, and barefoot. An Earthbender, most likely.

“Okay. Clearly, there’s a lot of confusion, and it will be better if everyone just explains what they’re doing _once_. And, keep in mind, I _will_ know if you’re lying. Katara’s ex, you’re up first.”

“ _He’s not my—_ ”

“I know you’re lying, Sugar Queen.”

Jet glared at Zuko one last time before facing the Avatar and Katara directly, taking a steadying breath.

“We came to Ba Sing Se for a new start,” he began slowly. “After...well...the gang split up, and so I took Smellerbee and Longshot with me here. On our way we met _Li_ , or _Suko_ , or whatever your real name is, you _filthy fucking Fire scum—_ ”

“Okay, okay, we get it. You met up with him. And then?” the Earthbender prompted, cutting off Jet’s rant.

“We saw the flier for Appa. And—Katara, really—I’m so sorry about what I did, about tricking you and Aang into filling the reservoir...It was wrong, and I’m sorry. I’m trying to be better. I had hoped, when we rescued Appa, you would see that I’m sincere.”

The Earthbender let out a low whistle. “Well, Sugar Queen, he’s telling the truth.”

Katara— _Sugar Queen?—_ glared at him at first, but her expression seemed to soften.

“I don’t forgive you. Yet,” she said, but then paused. “But...thank you, Jet.”

“Okay, next up—Prince Ponytail!”

“ _What_? I don’t have—”

“He doesn’t have a ponytail anymore, Toph,” Katara’s brother said tiredly at the same time Zuko heard Jin gasp to Song, “ _Prince?_ ”

“Fine. Prince Hothead, you’re up.”

Zuko looked worriedly over to Jet and Longshot first. “So—uh—I guess I should tell you my real name is Zuko?”

“Yeah. You should have told us that from the beginning,” Jet said darkly. Zuko groaned.

“Yeah, well, figured that would just get me immediately killed so—uh. Anyway. I...don’t know where to begin? Uh...”

“The last time I saw you, you rescued me from Zhao,” the Avatar stated calmly. “How about, just tell us what happened after that.”

“Okay...” Zuko sighed. “So. Zhao took all my men for his stupid siege, and Uncle went for a walk...and then some pirates came and blew up my ship, and I don’t know how it happened, but then I woke up in this field? There was a lot of fruit trees, I think. But then, I was waiting around for Uncle, but he didn’t show up, so I went down to the village, and no one would even believe who I was. And then Zhao died, I think, and then I heard Uncle was a fugitive. And so I’ve been looking for Uncle ever since.” He frowned, remembering. “Oh, yeah. And I definitely am not dead. So, you cremated some random person. Which I guess is the right thing to do, but—”

“He’s telling the truth, but,” the Earthbender—Toph?—interrupted, “ _I_ was _there_ , so...”

“I’m obviously alive! I’m not crazy!”

“You’re alive _now_.”

“Yeah, okay, this is kind of freaking me out, a little? Zuko was definitely _dead_. And people don’t become _undead_.”

“ _Not. Dead_.”

“I’m not saying you’re dead _now_ ,” Katara’s brother argued, “I’m saying that at _one point_ you definitely didn’t have a pulse, and your body was like— _gross—_ and you’d definitely been stabbed, and like, pulled the knife out—”

Zuko stopped listening. He had...definitely... _tried_ to _..._

__

_“_ That’s...impossible.”

Toph frowned. “That’s...not really the truth. And your heart just sped up like crazy. Spill.”

“I...”

He looked around, his eyes landing on his uncle. His breath hitched when he only saw pain and disbelief in his eyes. There was _no way_ he was admitting any of that to him.

“I want to know where you were, Uncle,” he said, his voice starting to shake. “What happened?”

Iroh exhaled, looking away. “Nephew. I...please understand, I did _not_ abandon you. I...”

“I never thought that,” Zuko said quickly. He was alarmed with he saw a tear escape his uncle’s eye.

“I heard the ship explode from about a mile out of town,” he said, closing his eyes. “I ran back down to the harbor to see it in flames. We...some of the villagers, and I...we combed the water for hours...”

“I must have walked ashore, somehow, and forgot about it,” Zuko mused. Iroh shook his head before finally meeting his gaze.

“No, Zuko. I pulled you from the water myself, and you were...you were _dead_.”

Zuko blinked. “No. No, that’s impossible! I’m right _here_! You must have been mistaken.”

“He’s telling the truth,” Toph confirmed. If it was possible, Zuko’s guilt quadrupled. His uncle had believed him _dead_? After he had lost Lu Ten?

“I made a pyre at the top of the hill, and in the morning, I spread your ashes in the valley below. Then, I met with Zhao, and agreed to go on his mission. I knew he was responsible, Zuko. I planned to avenge you.”

A chill rolled down Zuko’s spine. He didn’t envy Zhao, to have the Dragon of the West after his blood.

“Zhao revealed to me that he planned to kill the Moon Spirit once we arrived at the Northern Water Tribe. Unfortunately, I failed to stop him...the Ocean Spirit, however, in his rage, took Zhao himself. Most of the fleet was destroyed, so I took a raft to the Earth Kingdom, where I decided to meet with a few old friends of mine. Eventually, I came to Ba Sing Se, where I, too, came across one of the Avatar’s fliers for his missing bison.”

“Truth.” Toph folded her arms across her chest as a symbol of finality.

“Wait, sorry,” Jin said, raising her hand. “Um, _Zuko_ , you had...a ship. Like, you were in the navy?”

“Uh...no? Sort of? I was banished, so my ship was technically my own...but I _did_ have my crew conscripted from the navy.”

“Banished from the Fire Nation?” Jin clarified, her eyes narrowing, but not in an unfriendly manner.

“What the fuck do you have to do to get banished in the _Fire Nation_?”

“None of your fucking business, Jet—”

“Did you murder babies, or—”

“ _I’m not a monster_!”

“SHUT UP!” Toph shouted. “Okay, I have decided Prince Hothead’s banishment is relevant, so...explain yourself.”

“What? No!”

“Too bad.”

Zuko swore under his breath. “I went to a war meeting, and ended up offending the Fire Lord,” he grit out. “I was ordered to fight an Agni Kai. I chickened out once I got there. I was banished for cowardice and disrespect, and was told that if I returned with the Avatar, I could come back home and regain my honor. That’s it.”

Toph clucked her tongue. “Truth. Wow, that was lame.”

“...Thanks.”

Jin was still squinting at him, but Song spoke. “Wait, aren’t you sixteen? When was this? That seems harsh, even if it was this year.”

Zuko flushed. “It was three years ago.”

“So, the Fire Lord banished a random kid? For _disrespect_?”

“He wasn’t lying,” Toph said, tilting her head. “Does seem a bit insane, though.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” he said heatedly, “It was my fault—I forced his hand—”

“Whoa, whoa, _relax_ , there, Sparky.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Iroh cut in suddenly, his voice tinged with emotion. “It was _mine_. I should have stopped him. You were right to speak out, Nephew—”

“No, Uncle, I should have listened—you told me not to say anything—”

“This is interesting and all, but what I want to know is: Zuko, are you still trying to capture Aang?” Katara’s brother asked.

Everyone’s eyes were suddenly on Zuko. Toph waited patiently, focusing, ready for his answer.

Zuko looked to his uncle, who watched him closely. He looked hopeful—but hopeful for _what_ , exactly? He didn’t know why his uncle had responded to the Avatar’s flier at all, or why he stood among the children. Was he tricking them? Was he merely bored, as a fugitive? Was he aiding the Avatar intentionally?

“Uh...”

The longer he waited, the more Katara looked like she wanted to kill him. The Avatar, though— _Aang_ —looked at him earnestly, his grey eyes wide and accepting.

_ Do you think we could have been friends? _

__

Everything had unraveled quickly from that night. Zhao had suspected him immediately, and then easily seized all his resources. Uncle had thought he was dead, and then Zuko had been alone, for months.

He swallowed.

But then there was Jet, and Smellerbee, and Longshot, and Jin and Song. If he had friends, they were probably his friends—and even though Jet had pissed off Aang and Katara, he probably considered them his allies. All of them had been hurt by his nation in some way, and looked to the Avatar as a symbol of resistance.

Zuko wasn’t a fool. He knew what the Avatar meant to those that suffered because of the war, because of the Fire Nation. He had personally fought some of his own soldiers as the Blue Spirit, after all.

But...his father. His sister. To abandon his mission was to abandon them.

But his _uncle—_

He couldn’t do it. How would he even do it? These people all believed he had died, and they had given him his last rites, however wrong they were. In the end they were just people, just _children_ , and how was war ever justified when it came to _children—_ how could he destroy their last chance of peace from tyranny—

His vision blurred, and he was overcome with a wave of dizziness. He heard voices and felt movement toward him before he fell back into darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> so my interpretation of how human phoenixes work: after three days, the remains will burst into flames and he will just...continue existing as he once did when the sun rises. for him, its like going to sleep and instantly waking up. also, any injuries/ailments "heal over" enough for him to not immediately die again when he wakes up.
> 
> because he was cremated, i imagine that he will continue existing wherever the most ashes settle. its a spiritual thing don't think about it too much
> 
> probably NOT going to write more of this, I just wanted to get it out there. but i will say, definitely see zuko ACTUALLY FOR REAL switching sides when he gets out of his fever dreams since his decision was more...obvious, i guess, about sides and whatnot? anywho 
> 
> i just like the concept of phoenix zuko a lot and i love it more when he has no idea that he has died


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